Leave It All On The Track

Not everyone knows this about me, but I LOVE TO DRIVE FAST! In high school, my friends called me Mario after experiencing my driving. Back then I was in a Toyota Celica hatchback, but I took it off-road sometimes, and pushed it to the limits in turns and everywhere else. I have fond memories of that car.

I have learned over the years that the exhilaration I feel when driving a car fast is not one shared by everyone, let alone many women. When I drive, it is a game of skill and strategy. I am not just going “from point A to point B” as people love to say are the purpose of cars (yawn…). To me, driving is PLAY, and I try to have as much fun as possible while also getting to where I’m going.

My good friend Monica knows this about me. On April Fools Day, she surprised me with a well played out, belated Christmas gift, which was a day trip to an airfield where I got to drive a Ferrari F430 on a laid out racing track! To say that this was the BEST PRESENT EVER is a disgusting understatement! But it was the best present EVER!!!

I’ll admit that although I was excited, I was also a tad bit intimidated. I mean, I’d never been challenged to “woman up” behind the wheel of a super car! I knew nothing about how to drive a Ferrari, on a race track, and I would only have THREE laps to figure it out and execute that. NO pressure. Did I mention there were also people watching? In addition, I wanted to make Monica proud, so she wouldn’t regret buying this fabulous gift for me. Yeah…no problem!

I watched as others went before me, noting their demeanor, energy, how they drove the cars, and listened to the things they said afterward. I was focused. I was preparing. One thing became excruciatingly clear to me as I waited for my turn: I had one shot. Three laps. That’s it. Then this experience would be in my past. I was determined to make the most of it!

The consensus was that following the instructor’s every direction was key. These guys are trained and have a lot of experience in these super cars. They also understand that they are guiding noobs like me while driving the car, and they value their lives as much as I do. So I decided to fully trust my instructor, and to do everything that he told me to do. THAT would result in the best experience, and leave me without regret.

My turn came. I paused by the door of the car for the standard photo pose. Then the instructor asked, “Are there any other photos you would like to take?”

My reply was, “Not unless I can lay on the hood.”

To my surprise he said, “Okay.”

After confirming, “Really?”, I walked fast to the front of the car and laid back onto the hood of the Ferrari F430. Because how often do I get an opportunity like THAT???

In no time, Monica AND the instructor were clicking away, taking photos of me, and other bystanders were talking, laughing, and commenting on what was happening. I felt a little like a model or a rock star. But that was only the beginning.

Behind the wheel, the instructor prepared me with a mini pep talk about “procedure” for driving the track. We took selfies of course, because duh. I informed him of my plan to do everything exactly as he said. Then I asked if he would help me drift the car. I think that’s when Scott and I fell in love, because he said yes!

I wish I could say that I kicked ass from the starting line, but it took me a minute to get a feel for it, to find a groove, and to TRUST myself, my instructor, and the car. When I first put my foot to the floor, it was the best rush I’ve ever had! I took the first slight turn, and as I was entering the second slight turn in the other direction, something unexpected happened. I panicked! The power I felt scared me. My foot came off the pedal and I slowed a bit. Scott began yelling “Don’t slow down!” among other things, but I was shaken.

“Damnit!” I didn’t plan on fear. My mind began firing erratically, and I had trouble focusing or hearing Scott’s direction. I was caught up in my hesitation. I could hardly feel the car anymore.

Looking back, I find this an interesting metaphor for life. Something happens, we get scared, we panic, we stop moving forward, we don’t notice clues, we close ourselves off to help, our clarity leaves us, creativity goes out the window, we feel lost, and we spin out in our heads till we don’t know where we are. Has that ever happened to you? Well… I’ve sure been there!

It all begins with FEAR. Damn fear! Yes, it has its place, but not on a race track in a Ferrari, and not in our daily lives when there is no ACTUAL present danger. Yet I see people every day, everywhere, living from a place of fear. It is pervasive in our culture to be afraid. Just tell people that you are going on a van trip across the country by yourself, or that you want to quit your job and become a life coach and professional snuggler, or hike after sunset, and listen to ALL the scary stories they have to share! The world is a great big, horrifying place!!! Right?

NOT TRUE.

We allow fear. It doesn’t own us. It shows up with a benevolent purpose. Fear wants to keep us safe. However, it lives inside us all the time if we never question it, and can keep us from fully enjoying anything.

By the time I had taken a few turns, I was feeling good in the Ferrari, and I remembered why I was there. Scott’s voice became clear again and I knew what I had to do. I came back to myself, found my focus, and chose to go all out! I pushed it, I pushed myself, I hit the gas and slammed the brakes, and trusted the process. That’s when it got REALLY FUN, and when I DRIFTED!!! I no longer felt the need to control any of it. I surrendered and followed the simple instructions. I ate up the track, I demolished cones, I laughed my ass off, and when I pulled in at the finish, the crowd was cheering for me! I truly felt like a rock star at that point!

I had so much fun that day! Scott and I became fast friends. I got to help him straighten up the cones on the track (that I messed up…ha ha), and I was treated to some extras that I’m not at liberty to disclose here. Nevertheless the moral of the story is that I showed up and chose to play full out, to not hold anything back. And at the end of the day, I had not a single regret. I went home with a fullness in my heart, my body, and my spirit. My confidence level was sky high, and I felt like I could do anything! I was quite aware that this is how I wanted to feel ALL. THE. TIME.

Well, I don’t get to drive a super car every day (not yet)… and life doesn’t always feel exhilarating and joyful. Yet I have a choice whether or not to show up fully every day. I have a choice to play all out or to shrink myself by the sidelines. I also get to choose to give in to my fears, or to trust and surrender into the flow that is available to me, always. What I KNOW is that it is way more fun to give it my everything, and to know without a doubt that I left it all on the track!

*Special thanks to Scott Poirier and The Motorsport Lab for the great day. I am excited to say that I will be working with the company in some capacity and possibly be a driving instructor in the future. There may or may not be additional photo shoots as well…

**Huge, ginormous gratitude to my friend Monica. For all of it.